Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Intermission: Freestylin'

My reactions to the various movies I have watched recently.

The Other Guys
"I'm laughing at a recent Will Ferrel comedy, and I'm not actively hating Mark Wahlberg's comedic acting. I find both of these developments surprising."

Restrepo
"I can totally see why everyone else was impressed by it, but I really wish I hadn't been told so many times how good it was. It didn't live up to my hopes. I blame people, not the movie."

Centurion
"Neil Marshall really knows how to keep my eyes entertained while he absolutely wastes my brain's time."

The Siege
"This movie was really damn prescient, almost scarily so. Also it's preachy as all Hell and kinda sucks."

John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars
"I love everything about this movie except for everything about it."

Best Worst Movie
"That was sorta okay, I guess. Must have been a really slow year for documentaries if critics were giving positive reviews for nostalgic trifle like this."

Monster in the Closet
Before: "Troma's one attempt to make a real movie? This should be interesting."
After: "I probably should have known that Troma's definition of 'real' would differ from mine."

TRON: Legacy
"Wait, was this directed by Neil Marshall?"

Other notes:
  • I also saw Unstoppable, but that will get its own Tony Scott-related entry.
  • Whatever happened to Natasha Henstridge? I tried to do an IMDB search for her, but the next thing I remember is waking up in a dumpster behind Campbell's Nutrition crying, eating day-old organic yogurt and mumbling something to myself about The Whole Ten Yards.
  • While Tron: Legacy failed to be awesome, I really loved the look, music, and effective use of 3D. And I've been thinking about Olivia Wilde nonstop for 2 weeks now.
Petite, short hair, prone to violence. We totally could have dated.

Friday, December 17, 2010

My Descent Into Madness: True Romance (1993)

true-romance  For the second film in a row, Tony Scott gets overshadowed by his screenwriter.  Though in fairness to Scott, it’s hard for anyone to not be overshadowed when the screenwriter is Quentin Tarantino (Oliver Stone managed to do it with Natural Born Killers, but that’s largely because no one but Oliver Stone wanted to be associated with the final product).  The film is stuffed with “cool” dialogue, pop culture references and plenty of violence, just like everything Tarantino has ever written.  The babes are hot, the cars are classics, and the guns are plentiful.  And every last second of it works. 

  True Romance is generally considered by critics to be Tony Scott’s best film.  And rightfully so, as it is one of those rare instances where everything just falls together.  Scott’s direction has the flash to match Tarantino’s script, and the cast is overloaded with talent.  Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette (who seems out to prove that she’s hotter than her sister)
true-romance1
Suck it, Rosanna!
do good work serving as our guides through a plot that allows characters to enter the film, rock one or two great scenes, then exit to make way for the next actor in line.  It’s hard to pick out any individual scene as the film’s highlight, though if a vote were taken it would likely be the onscreen pairing of Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken, who share a tense interrogation scene in a dimly lit mobile home (with rays of light shining in through the windows, in case you forgot who was directing).  But on that same level of quality are scenes with Gary Oldman as a very intimidating drug dealer and pimp,
true-romance2
"I carried this watch...wait, which
Tarantino film is this one again?"
Brad Pitt as the greatest stoner ever put on film, James Gandolfini as a henchman who is not at all afraid to hit a woman, and a massive climactic shootout that Scott would later repeat in several of his films (and which Tarantino himself had already used in Reservoir Dogs).  And that’s just scraping the surface.  Samuel L. Jackson, Bronson Pinchot, Saul Rubinek, Michael Rapaport, Chris Penn and Tom Sizemore are there, too, along with a host of great character actors including Kevin Corrigan, Ed Lauter, and Paul Ben-Victor (aka Spiros 'Vondas' Vondopoulos, and if you don’t know what that name means then you are missing out).  Also Val Kilmer plays the ghost of Elvis Presley.  Go ahead, reread that last line.


Trivia & Whatnot:
  • True Romance and Natural Born Killers were originally a single massive screenplay by Tarantino and Roger Avary (who also co-wrote Pulp Fiction together).
  • Tarantino based Saul Rubinek’s movie mogul character on Oliver Stone, whom Tarantino had a grudge against after developing Natural Born Killers.  Likewise, when it came time to film, Tony Scott had Rubinek portray the character as a caricature of producer Joel Silver, whom Scott had a grudge against after working together on The Last Boy Scout.
  • Jack Black appears in a deleted scene, because the cast clearly needed more people.

My Descent Into Madness: The Last Boy Scout (1991)

last_boy_scout poster  Tony Scott is listed as director of The Last Boy Scout, but it is clearly a Shane Black film.  Scott manages to sneak in a few of his signature shots (that man is in love with dark rooms being pierced by small rays of sunlight), but every action scene, character name and line of dialogue has Black’s name prominently stamped on it.
  Black can be a divisive figure among critics and film fans.  He wrote one of the most over-the-top action hits of the 80’s (Lethal Weapon), and one of the biggest flops of the 90’s (Last Action Hero).  His salary for The Last Boy Scout ($1.75 million) was the highest ever paid to a screenwriter at the time, a feat which he later topped with his salary for The Long Kiss Goodnight ($4 million).  He and fellow screenwriter Joe Eszterhas earned a reputation for churning out commercial blockbuster scripts for increasingly large sums (Eszterhas eventually tied Black’s $4 million record with his screenplay for One Night Stand), with decreasing box office returns.  Then, after a major critical backlash in the mid-90’s, they both stopped writing.  The Long Kiss Goodnight was written in 1995 (released in ‘96), and Black wouldn’t have another writing credit for a decade.
  But Shane Black made big money for a reason:  he’s good at what he does.  Joe Eszterhas made his reputation by writing mediocre thrillers that featured lots of sex, and owes most of his fame to the outsized direction of Paul Verhoeven (who helmed Basic Instinct and Showgirls).  When other directors tried their hand at Eszterhas’ scripts, the results were less impressive (seriously, read the IMDB credits for Jade and count how many careers went down in flames because of that film).  Black made his millions by writing inventive, witty, and admittedly ridiculous action-packed films that were always entertaining, even when they bombed at the box office.  Last Action Hero and The Long Kiss Goodnight both sank in theaters, but are highly entertaining and clever movies (the latter containing arguably the best series of one-liners Samuel L. Jackson has ever had).  Last Action Hero was stuck going up against Jurassic Park, which briefly set the U.S. record for highest grossing film of all time.  The Long Kiss Goodnight suffered from a lot of last minute marketing changes after director Renny Harlin’s prior would-be blockbuster Cutthroat Island became one of the decade’s biggest bombs, severely damaging the marketability of Harlin and star Geena Davis. Black was an unfortunate victim of circumstances beyond his control. He was turning in surefire hits, and the forces of fate were burying them. Even the likes of Joel Silver couldn't make things work out right for Black, and he's the guy who was able to turn a profit on The Matrix: Revolutions for Christ's sake.

  Which, at last, brings us back to The Last Boy Scout, the Silver-produced, Scott-helmed, and Black-written blockbuster-that-wasn't.  Bruce Willis plays a trenchcoat-wearing grizzled detective (it’s cliché now, but this was the first time Willis had done this kind of role), Damon Wayans is a disgraced ex-football player, and future Oscar winner and Adrien Brody’s tongue recipient Halle Berry is one of those movie strippers who always has clothes on.
halle-berry-last-boy-scout
Maybe if you actually took your clothes off,
your customers wouldn't get this angry.
The overly-complicated plot involves corruption in the NFL, Willis taking a private detective job offered by his best friend, the best friend dying, Willis finding out his wife was having an affair with the best friend, Wayans getting ahold of information that would expose the football corruption, Willis having a personal history with one of the politicians who may be involved in the corruption, Willis having to guard Berry, Wayans also guarding Berry, both of them failing to guard Berry, Berry dying because she knows too much, Wills and Wayans making things personal, Willis and Wayans arguing because Wayans takes drugs, Willis’ hilariously foul-mouthed daughter (played by horror movie staple Danielle Harris) getting kidnapped,
last-boy-scout
In 16 years I'm going to be
topless and covered in blood. Fucker.
a henchman being shot in the face with a stuffed rabbit, shotgun shells called “shredders” that explode like grenades, a climax in a sports stadium, a suitcase full of explosives, and an intimidating-yet-effeminate hitman named Milo.  But all of that is just the framework on which to hang Black’s wonderful dialogue.

  Black’s biggest strength as a dialogue writer is his self-awareness.  His characters are always acknowledging the plot inconsistencies, genre clichés, and overall infeasibility of of the master plot.  A few samples from this film:
  • “This is the '90s. You can't just walk up and slap a guy, you have to say something cool first. “
  • “You're trying the save the life of the man who ruined your career, and avenge the death of the guy that fucked your wife.”
  • “Excuse me, but did any of you stupid shits bother to frisk this fuck?”
  Willis and Wayans spend 1% of their time advancing the plot, and the rest trading increasingly sarcastic one-liners, all of which are worth the price of admission (though if you look in the right bargain bin, you can easily own the DVD for less than the price of movie admission).  Sure, Tony Scott adds a little punch to a few scenes (most notably the amazing opening scene during a football game where the star running back pulls out a gun and starts shooting the oncoming defensive players), but as I said before, the film belongs to Shane Black.

  Why this movie failed is beyond my comprehension. This movie provides everything that the Lethal Weapon movies have, yet audiences just shrugged at The Last Boy Scout and helped the truly reprehensible (and not scripted by Black) Lethal Weapon 3 break the $100 mark. I just don't understand people anymore.

Trivia & Notes
  • Modern records for highest screenplay salary have become muddled, since writer/directors like Quentin Tarantino and M. Night Shyamalan lump their various fees into one giant figure.  A recent example is James L. Brooks, who was reportedly paid $10 million to write, direct and produce How Do You Know.
  • Danielle Harris has as many roles in the Halloween franchise as Jamie Lee Curtis (4).
  • This was the first time in Hollywood history that a screenwriter made more than $1 million.
  • In a "New Yorker" profile, Joel Silver said that the making of this film was "one of the three worst experiences of my life." 
  • Likewise, composer Michael Kamen claims he hated the film, and only did the music because his was personal friends with Silver and Willis.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

My Descent Into Madness: Intermission #2

At this point I've watched the next 3 entries in this series and have been mulling them over in my head for a while now, but I'm essentially drowning at work.  Thus, I've been putting off writing until things settle down a bit and I'm not so stressed.  In the meantime, I have a viewing recommendation for you.

If you have a Netflix subscription (and at this point, everyone really should), check out the film Champion, which is available now for instant viewing.  It's a 2005 documentary about badass character actor Danny Trejo, who finally gets his first mainstream lead role in Machete (which comes out tomorrow, so the timing of this is pretty convenient).  Champion is mostly about Trejo's youth, which was spent in and out of correctional facilities as Trejo leads a life of addiction and armed robbery.  The documentary, in technical terms, is nothing special.  In fact, it's kinda sloppily put together from several different interviews.  But Trejo's stories are so good that they rise well above the movie's sloppy craftsmanship.  So check it out if you have some spare time.

Friday, August 20, 2010

My Descent Into Madness: Days of Thunder (1990)

(Author's note: I ran into some technical issues while trying to watch this movie.  Rather than cause yet another delay between reviews, I decided to just write this review from memory, since I have seen this film on multiple occasions prior to beginning my Tony Scott quest.)


Days of Thunder focuses on the relationship between Cole Trickle (Will Ferrell) and his coach Robert Duvall (Robert Duvall).  Trickle is a hotshot new stock car driver, and Duvall is the salty old retired mechanic brought back into the sport to build a new car and train Trickle how to use it.  Helping Trickle grow into a real driver are fellow driver and occasional arch rival Cal Naughton Jr. (John C. Reilly) and Duvall's lead mechanic Buck Bretherton (also John C. Reilly).  At one point Trickle and Naughton get in a nasty accident, which prematurely retires Naughton and causes Trickle to become scared of driving. 
"...and The Beast shall drink of the child's
blood until His thirst has been quenched."
  Luckily Trickle's doctor is Nicole Kidman back when Nicole Kidman was amazingly hot and didn't look like a botoxed skeleton warrior from Hell's 6th parallel, and she uses a very "hands-on" approach to medicine, if you get my meaning (to be clear, she has vigorous sex with him many times, is my meaning). So that gives him confidence, which he is going to need, because his temporary replacement driver Russ Wheeler (Sasha Baron Elwes) has stolen Trickle's thunder (which he only has days of, because if he had several weeks' worth I don't think this would really be an issue).  Trickle must beat Wheeler in a race to reclaim that thunder.  Which he does.  So, the end, I guess.

Oh, and at one point, you can almost see Nicole Kidman's boobs.

Trivia:

  • Robin Wright-Penn, Sarah Jessica Parker, Molly Ringwald, Meg Ryan, Kelly McGillis, Brooke Shields, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sharon Stone, Kim Basinger, Jodie Foster, Madonna and Ally Sheedy all turned down the doctor role.  Which is a good thing, because this is the movie that led to Kidman and Ferrell getting married, despite Ferrell being so short and Kidman so tall.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My Descent Into Madness: Revenge (1990)

  Revenge has left me so conflicted.  On the one hand, it's a by-the-numbers film for 95% of its runtime.  A hot shot fighter pilot (Kevin Costner) leaves the Air Force to go hang out with his old friend, who also happens to be a Spanish crime lord (Anthony Quinn) in Mexico.  Quinn has recently acquired a young trophy wife (Madeline Stowe), who immediately catches Costner's eye.  Soon Costner and Stowe run away together to live out their life in a rustic cabin.  Quinn, naturally displeased by this, shows up with his enforcers and does all manner of terrible things to them.  Costner is left for dead, and Stowe is disfigured and forced into employment at a brothel.  Costner recovers, swears revenge, and goes looking to save Stowe.
  It's not an unfamiliar story arc in American cinema.  So right out of the gate, the movie doesn't have originality going for it.  While she may be a beautiful and talented actress, but Stowe is hugely miscast here.  Her Spanish accent is atrocious (think Nicole Kidman in Far & Away or Julia Roberts in Mary Reilly, it's that level of bad).  Just thinking back to it is making me angry.  Costner, as always, plays the role as Kevin Costner, but this time with a small scar above his eye.  Tony Scott's direction is pretty straightforward, like he didn't care enough to give anything any style.
"My accent is so bad it is causing this movie's aspect ratio to warp."
  Fortunately the movie is populated by a lot of dependable character actors in minor roles, which keeps things from becoming too much of a bore.  The recently-deceased and always-entertaining James Gammon shows up to help Costner get back on his feet.  Then cool-as-ice Miguel Ferrer and an impossibly young and nearly silent John Leguizamo help Costner form and execute his revenge plot.  And Sally Kirkland also shows up, to show off some cleavage and enable 2 very small plot points, which would normally seem extraneous if Kirkland wasn't so good in her small role.  And then there's the great Anthony Quinn, bringing warmth and dignity to a character that most would have played as stone cold evil.  Quinn's crime lord may be slightly misogynistic, but he genuinely loves his wife.  And while he abuses his pets and verbally abuses his underlings, he also has real affection for longtime friend Costner.  He is the most interesting role in the film, and he's barely on screen after the movie's first act.  And it is his role that sets up my quandry with the movie.

FYI, there will be MAJOR SPOILERS now, since I need to discuss the ending.  Not that I actually imagine any of you will be inspired to go watch Revenge after this anyway, but I feel like playing fair.

  I said the film was 95% uninspired.  That's because the final 5% is amazing.  For its entire length, the film has a very clear plot course.  And then the big confrontation comes between Costner and Quinn, and it plays out in the last way expected.  Costner is pointing a shotgun at Quinn, and Quinn knows that he is going to die.  He has a look of acceptance, but makes a single request: that Costner apologize to him for stealing his wife.  Quinn loved Stowe, and he loved Costner as a friend.  While he was bad man to others, he treated both of them with caring and compassion, until they both unprovokingly betrayed him.  Quinn may have grossly overreacted, but it was Costner and Stowe who were guilty of the first transgression.  And now, for the first time in the film, Costner makes that realization.  He lowers his gun, apologizes, and lets Quinn go.  Quinn tells Costner where he can find Stowe, and he arrives just in time to hold Stowe as she dies from the repeated physical and chemical abuse she suffered in the brothel.  Holy.  Shit.




  The Costner/Quinn scene is played mostly through looks, with very little dialogue.  Costner catches a lot of flak as an actor (including from me, in this very review), but here he is incredible as you watch him make the realization that he is the guilty one, and he is so taken aback by it that he can barely stammer out his apology.  Quinn, always a master, wears the look of a father who has been stabbed by his own son.  Though the film is ostensibly about Costner and Stowe's love, the Coster/Quinn relationship is the one that actually has some heart to it.  Their final scene together seems more tragic than Stowe's subsequent death, partly because Stowe is truly awful in this role, but mostly because their close friendship was so well established in the early going, and we now fully realize how much these friends have hurt one another.  It may not be worth sitting through the previous 100 mediocre minutes, but that scene by itself is heartbreaking.

Trivia:
  • Costner wanted this to be his directing debut, but a producer talked him out of it.
  • Sydney Pollack, Johnathan Demme and Walter Hill were all attached to direct this at one point.  The movie was nearly made by John Huston in 1987 (and would have ended up being his final directing credit), but Huston did not want Costner in the role, so he left the project (apparently Costner was somehow contractually attached, because I can't otherwise imagine John Huston not getting his way).
  • During production, John Leguizamo vomited on Tony Scott at a party.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My Descent Into Madness: Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)

  So, after firing him 3 times during the filming of their last movie, the producer super-duo of Don “I’ve done more coke and hookers than there actually exists coke and hookers” Simpson and Jerry “I know I’m not the director, but I think this scene could really use some more slow motion, patriotic symbolism, and fire” Bruckheimer decided that Tony “I am too as good as my brother, just look how many cuts I have in this scene” Scott would be the perfect choice to helm their next major blockbuster.
  The plot, such as it is, predictably exists to provide but a loose framework on which to hang scenes allowing Eddie Murphy to improvise comedic banter with Judge Reinhold and John Ashton.  Ronny Cox gets shot (because he was getting too close to the truth!), so Axel Foley travels, once again, from Detroit to L.A. so he can solve the crime.  The criminals (led by Jurgen Prochnow, Brigitte Nielson and Dean Stockwell), are ridiculously sloppy and leave behind enough clues (like not wearing a mask when you shoot a police officer, despite being an easily identifiable person like Nielson) that any real-life patrol officer could have solved, let alone a professional homicide or robbery detective.  Foley follows the obvious clues, gets the bad guy, the end.
  Scott’s direction of the action scenes is the only noteworthy thing about the movie.  The heist sequences, in particular, are expertly shot and edited to create a surprising amount of tension in what is otherwise a comedy.  Beyond those few minutes, however, there is little that is noteworthy about the film.

And now,Trivia:
  • Tony Scott and Brigitte Nielson, both married, began an affair during production that ultimately led to both their divorces, Nielson’s being her well-publicized divorce from Sylvester Stallone.
  • Before deciding on a normal sequel, Simpson & Bruckheimer first tried spinning Beverly Hills Cop into a TV series.
  • Not directly related but still interesting: Brigitte Nielson is one of the 2 tallest living women who have had a lead role in an American theatrical release (Red Sonya).  The other is Mariel Hemingway (Star 80).  Both are 6’1” tall.

My Descent Into Madness: Intermission

My review of Beverly Hills Cop 2 is forthcoming, but due to several work, weather and Netflix-related events it may be another week before I can watch Revenge.  But after that it should be back to smooth sailing until I get to Domino, at which point I'll be entirely reliant on Netflix sending me physical discs for each movie, which will mean a few days between reviews.  I'm determined to see this one through until the end.  In fact, from here on out I might turn the site into a way to pose cinematic challenges to myself.  Because the more I think about it, I really do kinda want to do this same challenge with Ridley Scott, as well.  And Michael Bay.  And, God help my tormented soul, Uwe Boll.

Friday, August 06, 2010

My Descent Into Madness: Top Gun (1986)

  People love this movie, and that saddens me.  As a piece of pure, empty-headed popcorn fluff, I suppose it's an entertaining movie.  But as The Rotten Tomatoes Show recently pointed out, Top Gun essentially serves as a metaphor for the United States' arrogant approach to foreign policy.  Though in fairness, it did lead to one of the best games ever for the original Nintendo.
  I imagine anyone reading this has probably seen this movie, or at least knows the basic plot from overhearing everyone else they know talking about the movie at some point.  But just in case, here's the basic rundown:  subtly-named egotistical hotshot pilot Maverick (Tom Cruise) flies the way he wants to fly, loves the way he wants to love, and plays by nobody's rules but his own.  He has a brief psychological setback, then discovers that he is the only one who can save the day, which is does by flying the way he wants to fly.  He is then disproportionately rewarded.  The.  Fucking.  End.
  The movie's thesis is that the Hero is the guy who doesn't listen to reason, puts himself and others in constant danger, sleeps with his teacher, and pulls in-air pranks that are essentially acts of war.  USA!  USA!  USA!
  So, story-wise, Top Gun is appalling.  But these entries are about Tony Scott, and his direction here is fine.  This is easily the most visually-restrained Tony Scott film.  Very few of his personal flourishes are present.  Sure, it's a big action-packed Hollywood blockbuster with fast-paced editing and 80's rock music, but it all looks thoroughly by-the-numbers.  Which is odd, because this is apparently the film where Scott officially went batshit insane.  Scott was fired 3 separate times during production, and at one point wrote a personal check for $25,000 to the commander of an aircraft carrier so that he would turn the carrier around so Scott could pick up a single shot.  This was only his second movie.

I don't have much else to say, so here's some random Top Gun trivia:
  • The film's famous anthem by Kenny Loggins was first offered to both Toto and REO Speedwagon.  Imagine growing up in a world with the #1 hit single "Danger Zone," by Toto.
  • Val Kilmer did not want to be in the film, but was contractually obligated to.
  • Before casting Tom Cruise, the role of Maverick was officially offered to, and subsequently turned down by: Patrick Swayze, Emilio Estevez, Nicolas Cage, John Cusack, Matthew Broderick, Sean Penn, Michael J. Fox and Tom Hanks.
  • Similarly, Kelly McGillis' role was turned down by Tatum O'Neal, Holly Hunter, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jennifer Grey, Jamie Lee Curtis, Ally Sheedy, Geena Davis, Jodie Foster, Daryl Hannah, Diane Lane, Sarah Jessica Parker, Linda Hamilton and Brooke Shields.
  • Bryan Adams, Bruce Springsteen and Judas Priest all refused to allow their music to be used on the soundtrack because they thought the movie glorified war and would flop.
  • John Carpenter and David Cronenberg turned down the offer to direct.  So, considering that Tony Scott's only movie prior to this one was The Hunger, the producers of Top Gun apparently really wanted a horror director to helm their mega-budget military action movie.  WTF?

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

My Descent Into Madness: The Hunger (1983)

  Apparently Tony Scott started out his career wanting to be David Lynch.  The Hunger is 15% plot development, 5% sex scenes, and 80% under-lit scenes of people staring pensively, jarringly intercut with scenes of monkeys screeching, curtains billowing, and a Bauhaus music video.
  The plot follows 2,000 year old vampire Miriam (Catherine Denueve) and her lover John (David Bowie).  Together they lure young couples back to their home and feast upon their blood (as vampires are wont to do).  But there is a slight catch to their would-be immortal love: while Miriam is indeed immortal, the people she turns to vampires only live a few hundred years before they suddenly and rapidly age into what are essentially mummies.  Bowie has begun to age, so they both seek out the help of Dr. Sarah Roberts (Susan Sarandon), who has been researching progeria and trying to develop a medical solution to rapid aging.  Bowie is interested in her research, while Denueve is interested in far more than that (leading to the film’s infamous lesbian sex scene, which more than lives up to its reputation for extreme hotness).
  This would have worked better as a tightly edited 30-minute episode of Tales From The Crypt, but even at only 93 minutes the film feels overlong.  A subplot involving a young girl getting music lessons could have been cut, along with the subsequent subplot of a police investigation by a young Dan Hedaya (based on that sentence, you can probably guess what happens to the girl).  Both subplots only exist so there can be a final payoff twist at the end that doesn’t actually have any effect on the main plot.
  It wasn’t a terrible movie, and it doesn’t play like a typical Tony Scott film.  He clearly hadn’t found his own style yet, though there are brief moments when he uses a certain lighting style that he will continue to use throughout the rest of his career.  But you’d have to watch a lot of Tony Scott films to really pick up on it (a fate I wouldn’t wish upon anyone but myself).  Overall this was a mediocre debut film that uses stunt casting (Bowie) and an appealing gimmick (hot lesbian sex) to launch the Hollywood career of acclaimed director Ridley Scott’s brother.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

My Descent Into Madness: Introduction

So, with my proven track record of failing to follow through on anything I ever promise to do in a blog, here is my latest quest:  to watch, and document, every film that Tony Scott has ever directed, in chronological order.  Originally I was going to attempt the same thing, but with the films of Tony's brother Ridley.  However, that series of posts would have been too easy.  Every Ridley Scott film generates 1 of 3 responses from an audience:

  1. "That was an amazing film!  So well directed!"
  2. "That was okay, I guess.  And it was well directed."
  3. "That really sucked.  But it was well directed."

That's Ridley's entire filmography in a nutshell.  No challenge there.  But Tony Scott?  That's a challenge.  And it is one that I feel I am well-suited to take on.  I grew up in the 80's and have that nostalgia for cheesy 80's machismo action movies, which makes me the target audience for Scott's early career.  I am also the target audience for his latter films, because I don't have epilepsy.

So, between my own movie library and Netflix's disc and streaming library, I have arranged the complete Tony Scott line-up:


I also plan to watch the 2 episodes he directed for his erotic-horror anthology TV series, The Hunger, which was thematically based on his debut film and co-created by Ridley, and also the short film he made for BMW, Beat the Devil.  Lastly, if I am able to track down a copy, I will watch his 2004 short film Agent Orange.  I will not, however, watch the episode of Numb3rs he guest directed, because it does not stand on its own plot-wise, and TV guest directors rarely add any of their personal style to the episodes they direct, and instead fall in line with the show's established visual aesthetic.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Screw it, I must sing!

Someday within the next 5 years or so, I will finish out my would-be series of horror posts. But for now, I just feel like playing around on YouTube, so I present you with a Top 5 list that enables me to do so.

Top 5 "Singing Along to the Car Stereo" Movie Moments:

5. Tommy Boy and Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

These scenes tie for 5th because they are funny for the exact same reason. Each begins with the characters pretending not to like cheesy pop music, and each ends with the characters sincerely singing along in unison with cheesy pop music. Comedy.






4. White Chicks

Didn't think White Chicks had any redeeming qualities, did you? Well now you know not to doubt the comedic prowess of Terry Crews. Not now, not ever.



3. Step Brothers

I don't know which is funnier, Adam Scott's sincerity or the wife's dead eyes.



2. Jerry Maguire

This scene is familiar rather than funny. Everyone has had one of those moments when you just want to sing out in triumph and celebration. And in the dark ages of the mid-90's, before the MP3 made it possible to carry your own personal soundtrack around with you, you had to hope that your local radio stations would cooperate.



1. Wayne's World

You know why. Everyone knows why. They made us watch this in our junior high music class, for God's sake. It's that ingrained in our social consciousness.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Kids, Always Wear Protection

Great, my fellow blogger Cinema Romantico (or you can call him Nick if you've worked with him, slept on his floor, vomited in his bathroom, featured him in your wedding, and had his father as a high school teacher) just gave me the Blogger equivalent of herpes. I've been "tagged" to answer some questions. Also, I haven't updated in over a year, and this is a good excuse for me to post some new content without having to come up with something original.

It should be noted, however, that I really do intend to finish out my horror movie round-up. One of these years, anyway. Plus, I may redesign the page. And organize. And change the content format. And appoint myself emperor of my street. And enslave all those who oppose me. But I will totally provide free nachos, so my legacy will probably be pretty good.

Anyway, the questions:

1. What was your first movie-going experience?
I have a very brief memory snippet from when I was three, sitting in the River Hills theater in Des Moines, Iowa, cowering in fear while Luke Skywalker fought the Rancor in Return of the Jedi. I can also remember seeing Jaws 3-D, psychologically unaffected. Both were in theaters at the same time, and I don't know which one happened first.

2. How many DVDs do you own?
I once had over 900, but after some spring cleaning I now have somewhere in the 400-range, along with around 50 Blu-rays. And I still have a little over 100 Laserdiscs in a box somewhere in my basement.

3. What is your guilty pleasure movie?
Tie. I've recently discovered that I actually like a Michael Bay movie. The Island is quite enjoyable, and Bay manages to control himself for half of the movie. And the much-maligned second half of the movie is still pretty good as long as you know the right chapters to skip over.

My second is Message in a Bottle. It's the usual Nicholas Sparks crap, but it has really good performances by Robin Wright Penn and Paul Newman. And the typical Sparks ending (building a character up and then killing them in a melodramatic way) goes way past audience manipulation and kinda heads towards sadism. I mean sweet Jesus, the ending can't stop twisting the knife. I was working at the theater when this movie was playing, and the audience would walk out of the auditorium mad at the movie. They acted like the movie had gone out of its way to hurt them. And it totally does, which is why I like it. It's like a horror movie where the audience is the victim.

4. You have compiled a list of your top 100 movies. Which movies didn’t make the cut?
2001: A Space Odyssey. I think maybe I have some kind of ocular condition, similar to color-blindness, that keeps me from seeing whatever the Hell it is about this movie that everyone else sees. It's a jumbled, poorly-scripted, poorly-acted and terribly paced piece of pretentious crap posing as intelligent science fiction. Then again, I did just go on record as saying I enjoyed The Island, so I have to concede that my sense of cinematic taste might be broken.

5. Which movie(s) do you compulsively watch over and over again?
Primer, because I'm still piecing it together. And Brick, for the sheer joy of the dialogue (see also: Lucky Number Slevin).

6. Classic(s) you’re embarrassed to admit you haven’t seen yet?
I haven't seen most classics, so my answer is "all of them."

7. What movie posters hang on your wall?
At the moment, none. But once I get to IKEA and buy some new frames, I plan to put up Dark City. I'll put others up, but I haven't decided which ones yet. Dark City just happens to have a really good looking poster, so I know it will go up. Some other titles up for consideration (and this is based on how good looking the poster is, not necessarily my undying love for these movies) are Contact, Strange Days, Panic Room, and The Fifth Element. And even though I really, really hated the movie, I'm tempted to put up my Matrix: Reloaded teaser poster because it is a giant close up of Monica Bellucci.