My Descent Into Madness: The Last Boy Scout (1991)

  Tony Scott is listed as director of The Last Boy Scout, but it is clearly a Shane Black film.  Scott manages to sneak in a few of his signature shots (that man is in love with dark rooms being pierced by small rays of sunlight), but every action scene, character name and line of dialogue has Black’s name prominently stamped on it.
  Black can be a divisive figure among critics and film fans.  He wrote one of the most over-the-top action hits of the 80’s (Lethal Weapon), and one of the biggest flops of the 90’s (Last Action Hero).  His salary for The Last Boy Scout ($1.75 million) was the highest ever paid to a screenwriter at the time, a feat which he later topped with his salary for The Long Kiss Goodnight ($4 million).  He and fellow screenwriter Joe Eszterhas earned a reputation for churning out commercial blockbuster scripts for increasingly large sums (Eszterhas eventually tied Black’s $4 million record with his screenplay for One Night Stand), with decreasing box office returns.  Then, after a major critical backlash in the mid-90’s, they both stopped writing.  The Long Kiss Goodnight was written in 1995 (released in ‘96), and Black wouldn’t have another writing credit for a decade.
  But Shane Black made big money for a reason:  he’s good at what he does.  Joe Eszterhas made his reputation by writing mediocre thrillers that featured lots of sex, and owes most of his fame to the outsized direction of Paul Verhoeven (who helmed Basic Instinct and Showgirls).  When other directors tried their hand at Eszterhas’ scripts, the results were less impressive (seriously, read the IMDB credits for Jade and count how many careers went down in flames because of that film).  Black made his millions by writing inventive, witty, and admittedly ridiculous action-packed films that were always entertaining, even when they bombed at the box office.  Last Action Hero and The Long Kiss Goodnight both sank in theaters, but are highly entertaining and clever movies (the latter containing arguably the best series of one-liners Samuel L. Jackson has ever had).  Last Action Hero was stuck going up against Jurassic Park, which briefly set the U.S. record for highest grossing film of all time.  The Long Kiss Goodnight suffered from a lot of last minute marketing changes after director Renny Harlin’s prior would-be blockbuster Cutthroat Island became one of the decade’s biggest bombs, severely damaging the marketability of Harlin and star Geena Davis. Black was an unfortunate victim of circumstances beyond his control. He was turning in surefire hits, and the forces of fate were burying them. Even the likes of Joel Silver couldn't make things work out right for Black, and he's the guy who was able to turn a profit on The Matrix: Revolutions for Christ's sake.

  Which, at last, brings us back to The Last Boy Scout, the Silver-produced, Scott-helmed, and Black-written blockbuster-that-wasn't.  Bruce Willis plays a trenchcoat-wearing grizzled detective (it’s cliché now, but this was the first time Willis had done this kind of role), Damon Wayans is a disgraced ex-football player, and future Oscar winner and Adrien Brody’s tongue recipient Halle Berry is one of those movie strippers who always has clothes on.

Maybe if you actually took your clothes off,
your customers wouldn't get this angry.

The overly-complicated plot involves corruption in the NFL, Willis taking a private detective job offered by his best friend, the best friend dying, Willis finding out his wife was having an affair with the best friend, Wayans getting ahold of information that would expose the football corruption, Willis having a personal history with one of the politicians who may be involved in the corruption, Willis having to guard Berry, Wayans also guarding Berry, both of them failing to guard Berry, Berry dying because she knows too much, Wills and Wayans making things personal, Willis and Wayans arguing because Wayans takes drugs, Willis’ hilariously foul-mouthed daughter (played by horror movie staple Danielle Harris) getting kidnapped,

In 16 years I'm going to be
topless and covered in blood. Fucker.

a henchman being shot in the face with a stuffed rabbit, shotgun shells called “shredders” that explode like grenades, a climax in a sports stadium, a suitcase full of explosives, and an intimidating-yet-effeminate hitman named Milo.  But all of that is just the framework on which to hang Black’s wonderful dialogue.

  Black’s biggest strength as a dialogue writer is his self-awareness.  His characters are always acknowledging the plot inconsistencies, genre clichés, and overall infeasibility of of the master plot.  A few samples from this film:

• “This is the '90s. You can't just walk up and slap a guy, you have to say something cool first. “
• “You're trying the save the life of the man who ruined your career, and avenge the death of the guy that fucked your wife.”
• “Excuse me, but did any of you stupid shits bother to frisk this fuck?”

  Willis and Wayans spend 1% of their time advancing the plot, and the rest trading increasingly sarcastic one-liners, all of which are worth the price of admission (though if you look in the right bargain bin, you can easily own the DVD for less than the price of movie admission).  Sure, Tony Scott adds a little punch to a few scenes (most notably the amazing opening scene during a football game where the star running back pulls out a gun and starts shooting the oncoming defensive players), but as I said before, the film belongs to Shane Black.

  Why this movie failed is beyond my comprehension. This movie provides everything that the Lethal Weapon movies have, yet audiences just shrugged at The Last Boy Scout and helped the truly reprehensible (and not scripted by Black) Lethal Weapon 3 break the $100 mark. I just don't understand people anymore.

Trivia & Notes

• Modern records for highest screenplay salary have become muddled, since writer/directors like Quentin Tarantino and M. Night Shyamalan lump their various fees into one giant figure.  A recent example is James L. Brooks, who was reportedly paid $10 million to write, direct and produce How Do You Know.
• Danielle Harris has as many roles in the Halloween franchise as Jamie Lee Curtis (4).
• This was the first time in Hollywood history that a screenwriter made more than $1 million.
• In a "New Yorker" profile, Joel Silver said that the making of this film was "one of the three worst experiences of my life." 
• Likewise, composer Michael Kamen claims he hated the film, and only did the music because his was personal friends with Silver and Willis.