Top 5 Great Performances in Bad Movies

5. Michael Gough, Batman (1989); Batman Returns; Batman Forever; Batman & Robin
Throughout Burton and Schumacher's terrible franchise run, Michael Gough as Alfred was always a quiet presence illuminating every scene in which he appeared. He was soft-spoken and driven by his love of the Wayne family and its legacy. He always had dignity, even when the movie around him clearly had none of its own. It is a miracle of acting that Gough was able to keep a straight face as the movies continued to get louder and more ridiculous.

4. Charlize Theron, The Devil's Advocate
In a movie filled by Keanu Reeves' "acting," Connie Nielson at her most seductive, and ultimately climaxing with Al Pacino essentially screaming an entire conversation, Theron's great portrayal of a housewife that grows slowly insane gets lost in the shuffle. Feeling abandoned by her busy husband, Theron's character becomes increasingly bored and lonely. She wants a child, but can't seem to conceive (when she can even get the usually-absent Reeves to have sex with her, that is). She paints and re-paints the rooms of her apartment. She goes shopping with the shallow wives of Reeves' partners, and begins to have hallucinations. The visions get worse, as does her health. Her story does not end well, and is the highpoint of a movie that continues to run for another 45 minutes. Theron handles the character's breakdown fluidly, without any unbelievable jumps in behavior. She slowly gets worse and worse, until she's gone. Theron is an actress who has had many great roles, and in that context it is easy to see why no one ever notices this one (unless they are noticing the copious amount of nudity she has in this movie, including a full-frontal shot that is not what you expect it to be). But she is just as good in this film as she is in those others.

3. Christopher Walken, Suicide Kings
Let's face it, the only reason to watch this movie is to see Walken tied to a chair for 90 minutes. That he manages to still be a cunning and menacing presence despite having no mobility is a tribute to his skill. People tend to stigmatize Walken as always acting like Walken (Ebert uses the verb "Walkenizing"). This is growing increasingly true, though we should always remember what depths this man is capable of.

2. Johnny Depp, The Ninth Gate
In a Roman Polanski movie, you expect the star to give it their all. And that's exactly what Depp does. And he does this despite the fact the movie sucks. A lot. And goes nowhere. He plays an antique book collector who has a habit of falsely appraising peoples' collections, buying them at a low price, and selling them off for their real value. He is hired to track down a book which may hold the key to summoning the devil. In fact, the book may have been written by Satan himself. It doesn't end up mattering, 'cause the whole thing builds to an anti-climatic love scene (I'm just as surprised as you are to see that I'm referring to an Emmanuelle Seigner sex scene as 'anti-climactic'). But Depp brings his A-game, turning from low-key con man to the inadvertent savior of mankind in a seamless fashion.

1. Gabriel Byrne, End of Days
I've always had a problem with the way Satan gets portrayed on film. He's always a fiery demon or an intimidating man dressed in all black (sometimes with a black cane that has a skull on it) with a huge black beard and broadcasts his evil intentions with every word he speaks. So who in their right mind would ever sell their soul to someone like that, no matter what he promised? Which brings me to Gabriel Byrne in End of Days. The movie is terrible, save for Byrne. He plays Satan with seductive charm and charisma. Yes, you know he's Satan and that he is pure evil. But when he talks casually with Arnold Schwarzenegger (and how sad is it that my spellchecker actually knew the correct way to spell his name) about the hypocrisy of God, he makes some really good points (I still smile every time I hear him refer to the Bible as a press-kit). You find yourself wanting to believe him. And when Byrne does unleash the evil, he commands as much fear as he did charm. Few actors are capable of coming off convincingly as both warm and cold. Have you ever been able to take Morgan Freeman seriously as a villain? Byrne was a perfect choice, and he nails the role. Now if only everyone else involved in the movie had done the same...

Lists are always fun

My fellow bloggist (sounds way better than "blogger," doesn't it?) Cinema Romantico has a near-consistent tradition of posting Top 5 lists every Friday in the weeks leading up to Christmas. I highly suggest you check out his lists, as he is a far more eloquent and passionate writer than I am. But if you prefer childish, sarcastic and mean-spirited writing, I will be blatantly stealing his idea and posting some of my own lists (though I may not adhere to his same schedule, because in addition to being a lesser writer, I am also far lazier and less motivated). I am now off to compose my first list, which will be posted later (laziness permitting).

Bender's Big Score

Like Family Guy and Jesus Christ before it, Futurama has been resurrected from the dead. After being canceled a few years ago, the series comes roaring back in the form of 4 straight-to-DVD feature-length releases (which will later be divided into 12 half-hour episodes for Comedy Central and Cartoon Network). Also like Family Guy, Futurama sadly makes its return at only about 80% strength. Luckily, while not on par with the Futurama of old, it's still better than anything else on TV at the moment.

The first feature to be released is titled Bender's Big Score, and should hit store shelves next Tuesday. It opens with a nice dig at the Fox network, though it's hard not to think that Family Guy has already made this joke, and made it better. From there is develops into a labyrinthine plot involving internet scams, time travel, and the usual shenanigans of the Planet Express crew.......as well as seemingly every character who even had a guest spot during the show's initial run. The Globetrotters are back to help with the time travel plot, Sarah Silverman makes an appearance as Fry's ex-girlfriend, Fry's poor old dog has a scene, and even Al Gore himself returns. I very much enjoyed this movie, but it felt like the creators were trying to fit too much into one feature. They have 3 more movies to work with, surely they could have saved some of the cameos for those releases instead of trying to jam-pack this one. By the end, it was really wearing out its welcome (which is hard to do, given how much I was welcoming this movie). And despite the title, Fry is the main focus, and Bender doesn't really do much until the 3rd act. Now I know that Fry is the series' main character and thus is always the focus, but the movie shouldn't be titled Bender's Big Score if Bender is going to just be in the background for an hour.

Those are my constructive criticisms. Now for my fanboy review:


It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! It's back!!!!! IT'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S BAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

This concludes the review.

Thank You, Thieves

Thank God for the Interweb and its glorious information tubes. Not only did I get to peep the new Battlestar Galactica movie 3 weeks before its release, I now also get to watch the first full-length Futurama movie a week early, as well. Naturally, expect my review tomorrow.

The Game - Forgotten Fincher

David Fincher is a visual master. Every movie he's made has been gorgeous. He was one of the first wave of MTV crossover directors, starting with music videos and moving over into feature films. And unlike most of his MTV peers, Fincher is adept at composing and actually holding a shot. Sure, he uses fast cutting when he needs to, but he does not overly stylize his shots just for the sake of flash. There's depth to his compositions, and he has an eye for unique and effective shots. He has a reputation for being a perfectionist, spending long periods of time in post-production tweaking the lighting, adjusting color depth, and making sure that every last frame of film looks spectacular. (For a wonderfully informative example of this process, rent the Bonus Materials disc for the collector's edition of Seven from Netflix and watch the featurettes, where Fincher reworks a scene for the viewer, making all the adjustments in real time).

As of this writing, David Fincher has directed 6 theatrically-released films. His first, Alien 3, was a failure both critically and commercially. Fincher's direction, however, was universally praised. In fact, critic Roger Ebert has stated on numerous occasions that Alien 3 is "the best-looking bad movie I've ever seen." His sophomore effort, Seven, was a huge success all around. Currently Seven can always be found in the top 50 on IMDB's user-generated, ever-adjusting Top 250 Movies list. So, too, can Fincher's 4th effort, Fight Club (as of this writing, Seven is ranked #38, and Fight Club is at #28). His 5th film, Panic Room, received good reviews and had a successful (though not smashing) box office run. The best reviews Fincher has ever received came from his most recent outing, Zodiac, and may have put him into consideration for an Oscar nomination.

Missing from that resume is Fincher's 3rd film, which was largely overlooked at the time of release and continues to be largely overlooked on DVD. In fact, it remains Fincher's only film not to have a multi-disc DVD edition available.

The Game was plagued by problems. Jodie Foster was set to star, but was then dropped by the production company, Polygram (which Foster later sued for breach of contract). The lead character was changed to a man, and much of the story had to be rewritten (Fincher brought in his friend, and Seven-scribe, Andrew Kevin Walker to assist). Michael Douglas was brought in as the lead, and the film was shot with a reduced budget (a result of the legal troubles Polygram was having). The Game was released in 1997 to general indifference. Critics enjoyed it, but did not praise it, and audiences didn't bother. After 3 months of release, the film barely broke even. The Game currently spends its life occupying DVD bargain bins, and still not being purchased or viewed. And it's a damn shame, since The Game is a well-made, well-acted, and tense thriller that deserves better.

In The Game, Michael Douglas plays Nicholas Van Orton, who is a cold, enormously wealthy and absolutely humorless businessman. On Nicholas' 48th birthday (the age at which his father committed suicide), he is payed a visit by his younger brother Conrad (Sean Penn). Conrad gives him a gift card for company called CRS (Consumer Recreation Services), and tells Nicholas to call the company ("They make your life fun. You know what that is, fun? You've seen other people have it."). Nicholas does contact the company, and they subject him to various physical and psychological tests, telling him that they are using the data to better create his "game." In fact, no one will tell Nicholas exactly what the "game" is. When he asks for details, he is only given cryptic responses and vague deflections ("We provide whatever's lacking," & "Think of it as a great vacation, except instead of going to it, it comes to you"). While it seems unlikely that a powerful man like Nicholas would ever get involved in something without knowing every last detail, he is intrigued. His life has fallen into monotony, he has pushed away everyone he loves, and he often wonders if he is destined to his father's fate. While he can't let his excitement show on the surface, he is enjoying the possibility of some new experiences.

What happens next is impractical, if not impossible, to describe, save to say that his entire life falls into chaos. While both Van Orton and the audience know that this may all just be part of the game, the film maintains a constant state of paranoia and fear. After all, if neither Nicholas or the audience know exactly what the game is, how can one tell if the game has started to spiral out of control? That is, of course, if the game ever existed in the first place. That is the key to this film's success, and that is how it is able to hold the audience in its grip until the credits roll. The stakes just get higher and more dangerous as things progress, and there is an increasing possibility that the game has gone off the rails, or that there were no rails to begin with. All of this would make for a good thrill ride regardless of director, but with Fincher at the helm it becomes exhaustingly tense. If you should watch (or re-watch) this movie, pay close attention to the wooden clown scene. Notice how the clown is lit, how it occupies the frame. It seems that at any moment, the clown will comes alive in one of those "BOO!!!!" moments. Yet is never does. It just sits there, looking creepy as hell, and adding an extra level of tension to the entire scene that plays around it.

I watch this movie at least once a year to remind myself what a thriller is capable of when in the right hands.

Battlestar Galactica: Razor

The first feature-length Battlestar Galactica movie based on the Sci-Fi Channel series is, unfortunately, a letdown. Unlike many, I loved every last second of the 3rd season. I think that the episodes set on New Caprica at the beginning of the season were the most compelling that the series has ever done. Sure, the season sagged a little bit in the middle (largely due to the creators spending a huge chunk of their production budget on those first episodes), but it picked up the pace again with the last 3 episodes (though the cliffhanger was a very cheap Lost-ish "What a twist!!!"-type moment).

Razor is not meant to bridge the gap between season 3 and the upcoming 4th, but instead takes us back to around the last few episodes of the second season. Lee Adama has just been given command of the Battlestar Pegasus after a string of failed commanders. He hires a no-nonsense, stern young Lieutenant Kendra Shaw as his second-in-command. They are sent on a rescue mission to find some missing scientists, and discover a strange Cylon command ship, along with a squad of the old, 70's-style Cylons. Through the course of the film Lt. Shaw has flashbacks to her first days on the Pegasus, where she was taken under the wing of the strict, borderline-psychotic Admiral Kane. These flashbacks are supposed to have some kind of relevance to the present-day storyline, but mostly just distract from it. Most of the events shown in the flashbacks have already been revealed previously in the series via dialog, so the audience (I'm assuming, probably correctly, that the people who watch this movie are the same people who watch the series, and will know what I'm taking about) already knows what's going to happen. Hey look, Admiral Kane is shooting her XO......just like that guy said she did 25 episodes ago. And there's the Pegasus stealing valuable parts from civilian ships........just like that guy said they did. It all adds up to a giant pile of "yeah, we know."

The present-day story, on the other hand, is interesting. A little more background in the politics of the Cylons gets revealed (including the existence of the early-model Cylons, who apparently don't get along with the newer ones), and we get a glimpse into the early development stages of the human-looking Cylons. But the story demands more breathing room than it's given, and the end result feels incredibly rushed. The film is also hindered by a weak lead in the form of Kendra Shaw. She is a leaden, impenetrable character. The audience never has a clue what she's thinking or why. Surrounded by lively characters like Lee Adama, Admiral Kane and Starbuck, Shaw is grossly outmatched and is a bore on screen.

The DVD version will contain extra footage, which may help with the uneven pacing and awkward intercutting of the two storylines, but the version that will air on the Sci-Fi Channel in two weeks may be worth skipping for the time being.