Day of the Dead

Remember back in 2004, when the remake of Dawn of the Dead was released? Horror fans, especially myself, were terrified that a movie we loved was getting remade and thus ruined forever. As it turns out, the remake wasn't too bad. The film had been given to a good director who knew how to pick up the slack visually when the movie's story began to sag (around minute 4). The result was not a classic, but was better than anyone had anticipated.

Now, 4 years later, the remake of Day of the Dead is being released. And I am here to say that this movie is exactly what we had all feared in 2004.

First, let me clarify something. Day of the Dead (2008) is not a sequel 2004's Dawn of the Dead (Ving Rhames does show up again, but as a different character). It is simply a remake of Romero's original Day of the Dead. Got that? Because I don't ever want anyone thinking this has anything to do with any of the prior films. This is a cheap, cash-in remake with absolutely no effort put forth.

Nothing connects this film with the original Day except that the main characters are soldiers. In fact, more than half of the movie takes place on a fully-manned military base, above ground. Ving Rhames' role is nothing more than an extended cameo as the leads' superior officer. And who are the leads? None other than the versatile method actors Nick Cannon and Mena Suvari. Hang on, let me type something again, for emphasis: NICK CANNON. Trust me, having seen the film, the casting makes just as little sense now as it did when I first learned about it.

And the plot? Something goes wrong with something, zombies are unleashed, and people run from the zombies. Same plot as every other zombie movie. But with Nick Cannon.

I see no reason why this isn't called House of the Dead 3. It's pointless, poorly made, poorly acted (Cannon is especially horrendous, like the poor man's Chris Tucker[yes, I said it]), and poorly everything-ed. It is so bad that even though it was intended for a theatrical release, and there's currently a writer's strike, it's still going direct-to-DVD.