Cast: Edward Furlong, Tara Reid, David Boreanaz, Dennis Hopper
Hey, ever wonder where Tara Reid got the money to buy those implants? I think I have found the answer.
Crow: C-cup
Alone in the Dark (her next film): DD-cup
At last the truth is known!
An implant-less Reid co-stars in the 4th film of a franchise that was already dead by the end credits of the 1st sequel. The main attraction in this eulogy for my brain is Edward Furlong. Remember him? Oh, so spunky and rebellious was he in Terminator 2. "That's kid's going places," I thought to myself back then. I also thought eating glue posed no threat to my health. I was wrong on both accounts.
How ridiculous is this film, you ask? I shall answer you with this detail from the film:
The crow returns from the dead with his make-up on.
His make up!
On!
I swear to God, if Dennis Hopper hadn't shown up 3/4 into the film as a pimp, I would have vomited on the television, rotated my head 360 degrees, and found and uncomfortable way to utilize a crucifix. Even Buffy's on-again/off-again boyfriend is here. It's like they packaged Hell for retail distribution.
If you ever see this film on the shelf, follow these simple safety instructions:
1. Look the DVD in the eye. Let it know you see it.
2. Slowly, and unthreateningly, back away from the DVD until out of eyesight.
3. Alert the local authorities that the DVD is in the area.
Hopefully, with the proper knowledge, we can all be safe.
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